No Means No, and Yes Means No, and Maybe means No.

When ladies speak, most guys just don't get it. Girls have our own language, and we expect you to understand it, and when you don't (and we know you don't), we are still justified when we get mad at you. That's just the way it works. But to save you a little bit of trouble, here's a list of a few things you should know.

What I Say	What I Mean
I'm fine.	I'm not fine.
Go ahead.	This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
Wouldn't it be great if…	I want to…
Would you…	I expect you to do this, right now, and you better do it well.
What do you like about me?	I expect a list of things and they better be good.
You don't have to get me anything.	You better get me something, and it better be good.
I'm almost ready!	I'll be ready in half an hour or more.
Whatever.	Forget you.
It's fine, I got it.	I've asked you to do this five times, and now I'm having to do it myself. Take over and do it now, or you'll be sorry.
*Loud sigh*	You're an idiot.
Nothing.	Something, but I'm still deciding your punishment.
Thanks.	It means "Thank you." Just say "You're welcome" and shut up.
Thanks a lot.	It's sarcasm. Do not say "You're welcome," or you'll pay.
Do you like it?	You better like it.
It's fine.	It is definitely not fine, and I expect you to grovel on your knees and tell me how amazing I am before I will forgive you.
Do you think she's pretty?	It's a trap. Say "no," and tell me how great I look today.
Does this outfit make me look fat?	Tell me I'm pretty.
Go have fun.	Pay attention to me.
Go away.	Stay here and tell me how great I am.
I miss you.	I really miss you. Come here. Now.
I love you.	I love you.
I like you.	I'm interested.
I like you, but…	I'm not interested.
It's not you, it's me.	It's you.
I'm sorry.	I'm really sorry, and you better say it's okay, because I'm not saying it again.
I apologize.	I am not sorry, but I'm done arguing over this.
It's my fault.	It's not my fault, but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. Be grateful.
No.	No.
Yes.	Maybe.
Maybe.	No.
My neck/back/feet hurt.	Rub my neck/back/feet.
Maybe later.	No.
Not right now.	No.
We need…	I want…
Can I…	I am…
Okay.	It's not okay.
Alright.	You have my permission.
Who was that? (Girl)	What's her name? How old is she? Do you like her? Is she an ex? Do you think she's pretty? Can I find her on Facebook? I hate her. Don't ever speak to her again.
Who was that? (Boy)	Not another one.

There's a little insight into the girl language. Study it. Learn it. Use it.